I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
