the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
