Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
