youre lurking in front of me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
