I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
