hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
