I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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