Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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