i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
