I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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