I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
