Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
