drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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