in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
