when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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