like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
