Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
