just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
