So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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