im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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