brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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