pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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