Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
