In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
