you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize