I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
