Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
