I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
