what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize