Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
