What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
