hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
