i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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