dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just pee around me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
