we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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