just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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