I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Im part way to drunk.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
