rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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