Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
