I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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