why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
