i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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