How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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