Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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