she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
