the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
