Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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