You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
