My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
