i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
