just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
