no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Two words: blizzard sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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