If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
