Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
