There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
