I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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