I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
