ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
