thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
