You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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