I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had sex on a roof
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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