i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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