Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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