super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
