someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her vagine was all disorganized.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
