I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
