I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
