The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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