I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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