My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
