Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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