I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
