At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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