1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
