I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize