I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
