I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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