I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
