Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
