I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
