he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
