I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
