next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
