Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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