Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
