i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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