You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
