Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
