Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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