for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
