the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
