I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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