and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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