Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
