She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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